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Miss Awhhsomeee.  Nasyiba Sahari :D 18% dummiesity 17% crapology 14% chimonology 12% cleverbumness 11% stubbornism 9% vaingloriousity |
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17sep09
Friday, September 18, 2009
I've made my wish(:
(why is my brother not home yet?): )
I'm eating cake in the middle of the night.
thanks to all for the birthday wishes.
3/8 peeps are sooooo sweet.
and kakak Fil for the blog post.
and 3/4 peeps too(:
much loved.
WARNING: THIS POST IS A VERY LONG POST BECAUSE IT'S FOR ME! HAHA:D
anyway. unlike last year, this year I couldn't count how many ppl wished me a happy birthday.
hahaha. but I think the most important thing bout birthdays is realising how far I've come and surviving my way through the obstacles in life that always get worse by day instead of better.
in the 15th year of my life, I noticed a vast change in my inner self. for better or for worse, I think better but still some things have got to be on the losing side right.
I've never been so caught up in studies before.
and then I took up so many things that in one way or another ate up my precious time for studying. I was simply biting off more than I could chew. there was this period of time for about 1-2 months in term 3 that there was never a day in a week that I could rest at home peacefully.
weekdays were school days.
the whole of saturdays were for NDP pracs.
sundays I always found it hard to wake up early and go for religious class without rushing. by the time it ended, it was already so late and I had to chiong all my homework, laundry and others.
sometimes I totally screwed up, for instance, staying up late for homework and then forgetting to bring them to school even after I'd completed them. life was miserable. and back thennn mother never understood until I really talked to her about this whole thing.
to add on, on weekdays I ended at 4/5pm every single day. and man it was hard to catch up. I almost wanted to really seek help from teachers but I was afraid they would blame me for getting involved in so many things. and so many things include the performances and rehearsals.
and what made my whole life much more miserable was the fact that I chose to be here, taking 9 subjects in preparation of my O levels next year. but then I wanted to be here. only God knows my fear of climbing so high to fall back to the ground. and there were times I thought I couldn't do it and something's gonna happen that's gonna break me down and ruin that privilege I have. then I started to think of alternatives in life. but I was aware just how important education is. I just felt unlucky that I have not much passion in education as I have for many other things that unfortunately, I was not given much opportunities to do.
friends? hangouts? no more, no no no more now. I realise. back then, we would have lunch tgther with friends at west mall or smth after schl. but look at now. total opposite. even when we planned to go shopping during the holidays, we realise we all couldn't find a date or when we do, there's always last minute ammendments and you can't go. sigh. then you realise you can't please everyone and you can't keep in touch with everyone and they really wonder why. you make friends, get close to them a little and when mummy scolds you for your bill or you fail a test because you spend too much time on your phone, some people find it hard to understand and they go "please don't do this to me" . argh.
family is the most crucial thing that can make me cry easily. especially when it comes to my unreasonable mother. whenever there's a fight, all she does is brag about it and tell the whole world because she's "got nobody to talk to". and the worst thing is whenever she makes a mistake, it's not really a mistake but when I make a mistake, it stays as a big big mistake forever. not fair at all. and all the time I think of my father and hope I still have the old him with me. it's a great loss knowing if he were there when mother was going bonkers, he would be there to wipe my tears and hug me tight to erase all the pain inside but hey hey wake up, he wasn't there any more. not there any more. and at moments I really need him I become the old crybaby putting on hopes that I know would never happen. the view of my happy family is gone, but it was there before. yes it was.
and love? it thrills me a little too much. and thus it breaks me down a little too much too when things don't turn out right. learning to get a grip of myself(:
these things made me realise the need for patience. endurance. determination. and many more.
life is unfair, that's reality but you gotta dig out the positive things behind that statement.
I have a view of life.
I have an incomplete puzzle. I can match some pieces of them together but the rest are either getting there or are overturned and untouched.
you will never know what the future has in store.
and I guess you don't have to be that noble to be grateful and say
Thanks, God.
hmm.
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okay this is random. I saw my sister's bio book and found it so cuteeeee hahhaha.
cute right ^.^
loves,
Nasyiba Sahari.